Maybe no one actually leaves me. Maybe I’m the one who leaves them.
Again. I’m still in that state of waiting again. Waiting for those better days to come.
It is like what others have said. Things come and go. I’m still waiting for something to come. And hopefully not go for a while. Just not again.
I know I do it to myself. But it is just that emotion of empathy that makes one understand - though I don’t speak of something, that never automatically intends I don’t mind it.
Somehow I wish I could meet someone that expresses the same thoughts and perspectives that I have. Someone who understands the emotions I deal with, too.
You skinny/average sized girls. Just. Enough with calling yourself fat when you know you aren’t. You obviously aren’t when you flaunt how tiny you are all over the place. On top of that, you’ve got boys all over you. You feed off of that attention to keep your self-esteem high. But honestly, you know you’re attractive. “When guys say a girl is hot right in front of you. Ouch.” Like, wtf? You’re beautiful just the way you are. And you’ve probably been around those guys enough to the point where they’re used to you. That doesn’t mean you’re not attractive yourself.
Like… c’mon. You’re not afraid to wear nice clothing. Don’t tell me you are, because I take all the chances I have to hide myself. Baggy clothing, sweaters. I rarely ever walk out my front door without a cardigan to hide my arms. Even in shorts, I’ve felt and still feel self-conscious. So stop. If you’re calling yourself fat, then what would that make me? I used to rarely ever think about how I looked. But this constant “I’m so fat.” or “She’s so fat.”… I can’t help but start to feel that insecurity I shouldn’t even be feeling in the first place.
I don’t care if you’re just joking around and you think that I would take that shit lightly - but I don’t. I don’t take it lightly. I take jokes about how I look, how I act and everything else targeting who I am as a person, to heart. “You should lose some weight then.” “Oh, what size do you wear? Large? Extra large?” “Aw, you’re so fat now. You used to be skinny.” “Oh, you’re so fat now. Don’t be fat. It doesn’t look good. Stop eating so much.” Honestly, there’s that fucking line you all need to learn how to not cross. So what if I gained some weight? That doesn’t mean I’m fucking fat.
I’ve been through a lot of shit and stress, so of course I’m going to resort to comfort food. And as for all of your guys’ criticism, you think that makes me feel better? Just fuck. It just makes me feel worse about myself.
What’s sad about this all is that no one has told me that I looked fine just the way I am. Screw these thoughts. I hate how they’re starting to get into my head when I don’t want them to. Screw this brain of mine for letting this hurt me. And people wonder why I’m starting to grow quiet around everyone. Just shut up.
‘HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN JAY’S SON DERULOOOOO?’
Even with almost 30,000 notes, The Wanted still don’t know this was me.
^oh 2011 abbie stop your whining.
the notes!!!!!!!!!!
(Source: morgrana, via for3ver-and-a1way5)
I try my best to remain happy with myself in my own skin. But truth be told, I’m not. I don’t feel comfortable. And what’s worse is that I don’t feel confident.
Just not pretty enough. Not skinny enough. Not happy enough. Not good enough.
For anyone.
I pretend I don’t care. But I know that deep down inside, I do.
I just can’t help but feel this way.
Tell me the truth. It hurts, but lying hurts more. Don’t sugarcoat it.
That way I know what to do or think.
What a word. And how relevant it has been to me recently.
I honestly don’t know how I can deal with this anymore… Idk what to do.
There’s so much I want to express, but I can’t put it in words. I just can’t. There’s so much I want to say, but I can’t. It refuses to come out of me.
And so, I must sing my little heart out. In desperate hopes of recovery from these temporary distractions.
Just gotta keep moving on.
I can’t stand it. And no, it’s not jealousy. It’s just annoyance. And I honestly can’t help but feel this way.
Idk if I should just stay quiet about it or leave…
